Do Self-Help and Self-Improvment Books Work?
Recently, in my personal and
professional life, I've hit a wall.
Not just any wall... a wall
made of the thickest steel in the world and nothing would bring it down.
Now, I'm not going to bored you
with my self-pity party details, because everyone has problems in their lives
and that isn't what this is about.
In January, I turned the big
3-9! Yep, my thirties are almost in the past and the I'm knocking on forty's
door. Normally, I'm okay with my birthday. Usually, my spouse takes me out, I
drink a bottle of wine by myself (well, that's any given day - but my birthday
one will be expensive, not the Kroger ON SALE Tag kind I normally look for on
an average day) and at the end of the night, I will have a LARGE piece of cake
(or maybe the whole cake - whichever!).
However, this year it was
different.
I should have been proud of
being 39. In 2018, I lost 60 pounds. I hit the USA Bestseller List. I landed an
incredible day job and a promotion at the said job. So, when January 10th hit
(that's my birthday, BTW), I should have been on top of the world.
Instead, I cried.
I cried because I didn't sale
as many books in 2018 as in 2017 and 2019 was starting out like crap.
I cried because I had a
deadline looming and I wasn't sure I'd make it and I know my readers have been
waiting on the book.
I cried because I had gained 6
pounds and hadn't been in the gym since (well, before) Thanksgiving.
I cried because I was tired of
crying.
You get the point, right?
Come the Monday after my
birthday I felt like I was buried in emotions I had never felt before. See, if
you don't know me personally, I'll let you in on a secret. I'm happy. All the
time! No joke! I'm that person with the smile on her face first thing in the
morning (without coffee or caffeine). I look to the positive on every topic and
when things go bad, I still smile. I have a Type A personality, but not as
Alpha as others. And I’m a fixer. I fix other people’s problems and shove mine
away in a deep dark sinkhole and never, ever let them resurface.
So, imagine my surprise when
all these unfamiliar emotions came rushing up to the surface and I didn’t know
how to handle them or what to do about them. Normally, I would write. Writing
is very therapeutic for me. But no words came to me. Nothing. I was an empty
well. A very, dried up empty well in the middle of Death Valley on the hottest
day of the year. I would stare at the computer screen or notebook paper and it
would be completely blank.
Then I would cry!
I knew I had to fix this and
get back to my old self. I had to. There are a lot of people that count on me
and I couldn’t let them down. Not to mention, living in such a haze wouldn’t be
good for my health or my future self.
My first thought: drink some
wine. However, at the ripe age of 39, I knew that wouldn’t work. My second
thought: there must be on book on this sort of … thing. Right? Maybe something
about turning a year older and losing all your creativity. Something had to be
out there, right? Right?
Thank you, Amazon!
Suddenly, panic hit me … I was
in the world of self-help and self-improvement books! And it was scary. I mean.
Stephen King-full-moon-hide-under-the-blanket type of scary. There were
millions of options... literally! Where do I begin? Is there a beginning? What do I search for? If I put in: 39-year-old overweight female
losing her mojo, what book would come up? Would it have the word loser in the title?
I’m a fixer. I’m not the type
of person to ask for help, not even in an eBook format. I had to push these
feeling away and forget about ... well, whatever this is. But nothing was
working. Nothing and I couldn’t fall any further down this sinkhole.
Finding my strength (or what
little bit there was) I dived into Amazon and searched until I found a section
suited to my needs.
There were two books that
jumped off the page for me.
You know her, right? She’s the
author who wrote Eat, Pray, Love. (Full disclosure: I did not like that book. I
tried at least four times to read it and never made it through.) Therefore,
seeing this book had me on the fence. I mean, what does this author know
about my situation. Come on! She’s loading up her trunk with money from
all her book sales. (More disclosure: I’m never this bitter! But I was at that
time). Nonetheless, I read the reviews and people seemed overly pleased about
this book, so I thought … why not? Couldn’t hurt, right?
And I clicked purchase on the
audiobook.
If there was ever a title that
a person needed at the lowest point of their life … this was the one. I had
heard of Jen Sincero from others in the author community, but I was never read anything she had written. Albeit, I
took their word that she was amazing.
And I clicked purchase on the
audiobook.
On February 1st, I
popped in my ear buds while I was at the office and turned on Jen Sincero’s book
first. As I’m typing out the latest list of motions that were handed down from
the boss, I suddenly became lost in Ms. Sincero’s words.
Like … seriously consumed. It was as if was speaking directly to me and not
just through earbuds. Everything I felt at that time … she had too! And
somehow, made it through.
She made it through!
It felt as if the steel wall
around the creative part of my brain had begun to be chipped away. It wasn’t
gone... but chipped. Plus, I had smiled for the first time in (close to) a
month. A real smile, not the fake one I had been giving to others.
On February 2nd, I laid
on my couch, still thinking of Ms. Sincero’s book, Netflix playing, and a huge
bowl of potato chips on my chips. Chomping away through the new season of
Medici. *chop* *chop* I should have been writing, but – again – no words were
coming. I didn’t even bother to open my laptop because I didn’t want to feel
the disappointment. Instead of sulking, I listened to Ms. Sinero’s
audiobook. (I even took some notes and placed them around my desk.) Afterwards, I felt better.
I opened my laptop, ready for
the words to come … and … NOTHING! A BIG OL’ ZERO!
Moving away from the desk, I
went back on the couch (this time with a bowl of popcorn) and finished Medici.
(Very good, btw!)
I decided to turn off the TV
and popped in the good ol’ ear buds and started Big Magic.
From the first word until the
last, I didn’t move from my couch. Tears filled me again, the good kind this
time. Ms. Gilbert’s words knocked down that unbreakable steel wall. It felt
like I had been found. Okay, that’s a bit out there, but I was found. My
mojo came back, the world was bright and happy, and I was myself. Not
completely, but much more than the six hours before I started her book.
I grabbed my husband and told
him everything! Everything on how I was feeling, my disappointments with my
weight and book sales, the weight on my shoulders and how I was sinking and
couldn’t find any air. In his sweet (but don’t I said that) style, he hugged me
and told me he was there for me and I needed to talk to him more.
And he’s right. (Please don’t
tell him that either!)
Since February 2nd, I have
started my life anew. I joined Weight Watchers and have since lost 5 pounds.
(Might not sound like a lot, but I’m pleased with it.) I have sat down at my
desk every night and wrote out chapter outlines. Now, this is something very
new to me because – normally – I just dive in writing the last chapter and
building a story around it. With me have a plan,
I feel better equipped in tackling the next several books I want to release in
2019.
I purchased Big Magic in
paperback and have highlighted passages most meaningful to my current
situation. I even purchased You Are A Badass and done the same.
Even though I never thought I
would be the type of person to ever be in the Self-Improvement section, I’m
glad I did do it. I shouldn’t be ashamed of asking for help or seeking advice.
Albeit, through Amazon or not. I’m a human and when I have a large amount of
problems weighing down on me, I need help. I should never think I can handle it
all on my own.
I love to make lists and there
are a lot that don’t have one thing crossed off, but not anymore. I have goals
for 2019 (even if I’m starting on January 1). I can complete them! And it’s
okay if they’re not done in just a week. I must remind myself that
self-gratification isn’t a real thing. Everything takes time.
The point of this (very long)
rambling was to say, self-help and self-improvement do help and it’s okay to
ask for help.
-- Mary S.
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